I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
