peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize