If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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