A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
