whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
