There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
