Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Found your dick twin last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
