Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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