Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
