So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
