found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
