i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
