I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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