We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
