Please, let me fuck your mom
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
