I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize