I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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