WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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