He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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