he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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