This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize