It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
