If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize