Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
