at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
