So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize