i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
