Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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