You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
