i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
