are you so shy because you have an std?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
