I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
