Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize