I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
