Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
