Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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