You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
