DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
There's even glitter on my cock...
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