his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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