Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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