Porn is love you can see.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
