So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
