You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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