Your face is a jimmy john
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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