he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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