Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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