Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
