I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
