I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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