If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
