I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
