dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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