This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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