I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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