i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
