I'm lost and stupid without you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
