it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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