You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize