I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
