The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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