i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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