i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize